**Eid 2024**
It’s been over nine years since I last looked forward to Eid. Eid, a Muslim festival, used to be one of my favorite times. I would plan in my head what to wear and think of the hairstyle to make. My younger siblings and I would travel with my dad to our hometown just outside of Ilorin, a village called "Jimba Oja," and trust me, we always looked forward to this trip every single Eid or any chance we got to visit Jimba for that matter.
Now, remember I said this was my attitude towards Eid until nine years ago? Here is why:
We used to visit my Big Daddy and even sleep over, just enjoying being pampered. They wouldn’t let us do anything, as different people would keep bringing food and whatever we wanted. We were treated like royalty. Who wouldn’t want to go to a place like that? It was either that or be home with my very strict mom and lots of chores to do. My Big Daddy died sometime in 2011, and then my favorite uncle took over his business in the village, and everything just became better. I had lived with my uncle for a couple of years as a child, so the spoiling just got better. However, that didn’t last long.
In September 2015, my uncle had a terrible car accident on his way back to Jimba and died on the spot, and everything just stopped making sense. I hated my hometown so much because why would my uncle die? I was just going to be 18, and trust me, his death crushed me so badly. I remember crying for months because I was angry that I held onto a grudge against him until he died, and the guilt ate me up so much. I stopped going to Jimba for Eid after that, and my younger siblings did too.
Up until last year (2023), I’ve never been enthusiastic about Eid. Even when I bought outfits, I just took pictures and never really went anywhere. It didn’t help that my friends and boyfriend always traveled out of town during these periods, so I never had anywhere to go. I just moped around my house for Small Sallah, or I’d be at my studio working. For Big Sallah, I’d be cooking dishes to give out with my mom and sisters.
I made myself a promise this year to reflect on so many things and make a conscious effort to be happy and grateful for what is, what has been, and what will be. I dressed up this year, and even though I didn’t go to the praying grounds, I know dressing up happily for Eid is a step closer to being happy. I have never spoken to anyone about my lack of enthusiasm towards these festivals before now. I’m guessing talking about it is also a step closer to healing.
Now, as I reflect on Eid 2024, I feel a sense of happiness and gratitude that I haven't felt in years. Celebrating Eid this year has been a significant step in my journey towards healing and finding joy in the festivities again. I'm looking forward to the next Eid festival with renewed enthusiasm and a deeper appreciation for the opportunity to celebrate with loved ones.
Thank you so much for reading. Anything I post on here is like an open letter to myself. I’m writing this down immediately after editing my Eid contents, and I didn’t want the excitement drained out of me before I write about it. Once again, I’m not a professional writer. See this as you reading an open journal of a lost girl trying to find herself again.
Love from Mimi 💕